Miss SOAK 2013: Princess Palmer!
The Miss SOAK 2013 Pageant was an incredible show of fun, no-talent and awkwardness. The contestants were each truly outstanding but it was Princess Palmer that cinched the crown. She dazzled judges with an amazing costume, creative and thoughtful bribes, and a show of her intimate non-talent: platonic humping. She carries her title with grace and can be spotted wearing her sash at events or just at home around the house.
Runners Up of Awesomeness
- Miss Congeniality: Davina
- Miss Fabulous: Lotus
- Miss Too Much Talent: Tarley
- Miss Too Sexy: Phil
- Miss So Awesome Should Have Her Own Pageant: Jillian
- Miss Smarty Pants: Smarty Pants
Pre-registration opens in early summer.
Yes folks, even abnormal pageants like the Miss SOAK* contest have guidelines. Most guidelines, however, are up to interpretation. Here are some simple mantras to follow to help the contest run smoothly. The goal is to have fun, not to win.
1. Perform a "Non-Talent"
We have breathtaking, delightfully outlandish displays of no talent. When we say "no talent" we expect you to do something you're not good at, at all. Points will be deducted if we see any aptitude in your performance. This category is the most common reason candidates lose points, because they are showing us too much talent!
Please limit your non-talent performance to 3 minutes or less.
2. Answer the "Burning Questions"
Miss SOAK thinks on his/her feet. All contestants must submit one question at time of registration. Your questions will be randomly drawn during the contest and asked of fellow contestants. In addition to the question you've submitted, please be prepared to describe your outfit. Some suggested question topics include: Radical self reliance Bacon WWLHD? (What would Larry Harvey Do?) What will you do with your Miss Soak title? Civic responsibility How to save kittens from monsters, etc.
3. Be Fabulous
This is about fun! Costume, props, swagger, smiles, whatever makes you feel fabulous we want to see it!
Does Miss SOAK have to be a woman?
Who are the judges?
There are 3 Judges. In 2013 the judges will be Janet (Miss SOAK 2012), Emily (Miss SOAK 2011) and one Mystery Judge! Bribe them wisely...
Nobody said this was a fair contest. Our judges are judging on the guidelines written above, but have been known to be swayed by bribery and crowd participation - bring along your campmates and friends to support you!
Bribes are not required but in the past contestants have tempted judges with liquor, bacon, socks, compliments, sweets, and back rubs.... creativity is rewarded!
What kind of questions will I be asked?
That's up to you! We ask every contestant to write a question and then we mix em up. We'll proof them to make sure they're suitable first.. but example questions might be: If you could have any wish come true, what would it be? What are the metaphorical ingredients in a SOAK cocktail? What is your favorite Burning Man principle? How will you reign if you win Miss SOAK?
What should be my non-talent?
Anything goes, so long as it does not showcase any talent whatsoever. Check out our past winners below for an idea of what has been done in the past. Get weird or creative or make up a talent that doesn't exist. Dazzle us and make us cringe.
You'll have use of the stage, access to a microphone, and can provide your own music if you want (or we will pick some for you). If your talent requires access to electricity please notify us beforehand and we'll see what we can do - but don't rely on it.
Aim to keep your performance to 3 minutes or less.
Awesome costumes are highly encouraged!
How do I register as a contestant?
So glad you asked! There's three ways to choose from:
1) Fill out the form at the top of the page
2) register at Sparkle Nation Camp anytime prior to the event, or
3) show up to the Main Stage 30 minutes before the pageant.
What if I change my mind?
You can still change your mind (either way). We require everyone to check-in immediately prior to the event to confirm entry so if you get cold feet you can still withdraw. Bonus points may be awarded for those who were brave enough to register in advance, however.
What do I get if I win?
Every contestant who participates gets a piece of very limited edition Miss SOAK swag to wear proudly. We know it takes guts to get up on stage and those of you bad-ass enough to do it deserve recognition!
Additionally, there are awards in multiple categories. Miss SOAK gets the crown, the sash, the glory!
Miss SOAK 2012 - Janet / tastee "J-Unit" Lackey
Notoriously so painfully awkward that people not even in the audience could hear over loudspeakers and were left wincing, J-Unit performed a freestyle rap and wowed the judges with her bribes and pre-pageant research to secure the crown.
Miss SOAK 2011 - Emily "The Ghostess" Steadman
At the 2011 pageant the "Ghostess" killed the show with a stretchingly-heroic display of not-yodeling and bacon delectables.
Miss SOAK 2010 - Lori "Party Radar" Stein
At the 2010 pageant "Party Radar" got it done with a "song and can't dance" comedy number.
Miss SOAK 2009 - Erin "Macgyver" Enquist
At the 2009 pageant "Macgyver" didn't "twinkle anyone's little stars", but won the crowd's heart with her sense of style.
- Miss SOAK 2008 - Cheryl
At our very first Miss SOAK* pageant, Cheryl bribed the judges with Burning Man patches and could tell the audience the meaning of the SOAK* anachronism.
Contacts + Links
- Burning Man
Despite the dry and harsh environment, our roots grow very well here.
- Burning Man Portland
At a local level, where SOAK and Miss SOAK organization takes place around the Portland, Oregon area.
- Burning Man Portland Facebook Group
Non-official but very active Facebook Group
- DJ Manoj continues to support our efforts by volunteering to DJ sound during Miss SOAK!
- Contact Janet / tastee (Miss SOAK 2012), creator of this page: E-mail / Facebook
Miss SOAK is a 100% volunteer effort. The 2013 site and the logo was created by Janet/ Tastee. Much of the content was written by Emily /"The Ghostess". We thank you for your support and participation!